The Sound System

lies unused
against the wall
extension cords
telephone jacks
mic and speaker
hoping someone
will yell
Swing your partner

No one has done this
since April Fools Day 2020
but they wait there patiently
for someone
to plug them in

How to Make a Semen Collector

Take a tractor 2″ radiator hose about 2′ long 
and a bicycle tire inner tube 
Cut out a 3′ section to slide down inside the hose
leaving 6″ out at each end
At one end fold the tube back over the hose 
securing it with a rubber band
Do the same at the other end
but before you do
pour some hot water (100 degrees)
between tube and hose
and seal it in as above
Then take your test tube and rubber flange
slide it over one end and secure
Astroglide jelly up the other end
Now you’re ready for the bull
When he goes to mount the cow
slip the rig over his budelia

and Bob’s your uncle